My December
by Reiya Inc
Summary: He didn't see what I saw, he doesn't know that it's more than just a simple kiss. One night causes Kagura to face the horrible truth, and the truth doesn't always set you free...
1. Chapter I

Disclaimers: I do not own Fruits Basket, or the sexy-kitty Kyo. This fic's and AU and is in Kagura's POV, read and enjoy.  
  
My December  
  
By: Reiya  
  
This is my December  
  
These are my snow covered dreams  
  
This is me pretending  
  
This is all I need...  
  
-Linkin Park  
I reach out my hand and knock on the door before me. I quickly pull my hand back into my pocket where it's warm. I forgot to bring my gloves. "Welcome! I'm glad you could come!" you smile cheerfully and compliment the Christmas cake I made. It's spice cake. With little red and green sprinkles on top. My eyes wander, searching for him.  
  
"Kyo and the others are in the living room." you say knowingly. I smile and proceed. As expected, he doesn't notice I came in, or maybe he does and just doesn't want to acknowledge my presence. I lay my cake down on the table that's covered with all kinds of delicious-looking treats. Tohru really is a good cook.  
  
I take a seat next to Kyo. It looks like they've been watching movies and having some of the treats. I guess I'm kinda late. I didn't mean to be, I just wanted to look nice. I got a new dress, just for him. But he didn't even turn around to see it. I want to hit him, but he doesn't like it when I'm violent.  
  
So, instead I hug his arm and watch the movie. I feel him stiffen. He still refuses to look at me, but at least I know he feels me. I gently lay my head against his shoulder. He shifts a bit, but doesn't try to pull me off.  
  
The movie ends and Momiji suggests we should open our presents. He picks up a sack and begins handing the gifts out to everyone. He skips towards me and places a bright red box in my hands. I open it and thank him for the pale blue scarf neatly folded inside. I reach down into my bag and withdraw a white box with a rabbit-shaped nametag. He tore the wrapping paper off and wadded it into a ball that he stuffed into the sack. His brown eyes widen and a smile stretches across his face in response to the stuffed bunny inside. He hugs it and thanks me for it before skipping off towards Haru to give him his gift. I continue to give out gifts and receive them until I have one left. Kyo had left when we stared handing everything out. I wish he had stayed close, I still had to give him his present yet. I glance around the room and see him and Tohru standing on the far side.  
  
Kyo handed her a gift and said something, Tohru blushed in response. She looked down and then held out a beautifully wrapped box for him. He seemed shocked because he didn't take it right away, but then, slowly his hand reached out for it and he smiled. I had never seen him smile like that before.  
  
Shigure smirks at them. "Hmmm, do you two know where you're standing?" he asks mildly. He points upward and their gaze follows to see a small branch of mistletoe. No, please don't Shigure, please, don't do this I scream in my mind. But he doesn't hear me. "You know the rules." he grins and turns back to handing out gifts. They both lean towards each other and softly kiss. Kyo's hand reaches up and gently holds her face next to his.  
  
I want to yell. I want to hurt Kyo, but I can't. I want to cry, but I hold back my tears, they wouldn't do any good. There's nothing I can do. There's nothing I could ever do. He'll never kiss me like that. He'll never love me like that. And so I realized how pathetic my exsistence was. I thought he was just playing hard-to-get and that if I wished hard enough, my wish would come true. I search my memory frantically for something, anything, from him that showed even a sliver of affection for me. There was none.  
  
It felt like tiny needles were stabbing me in the heart. Tohru. How could she do this? Wasn't she my friend? No, how could I ever get mad at Tohru. She's always been so kind and nice to me. She always thinks the best about everyone. She's the greatest friend anyone could ever hope for.  
  
My mind latches onto a memory. This wasn't the first time I had realized them. We were on a field trip somewhere. I came along for Kyo. We were hiking up a small mountain-like rock when she slipped. Tohru's feet lost hold and she fell about four feet to the ground. She let out a small whimper and grabbed her ankle. Kyo slid down the giant rock next to her.  
  
"Is it broken?" his eyes reflected concern. She shook her head abit, "I-I don't think so..." "Can you walk?" he helped her to her feet, but she favored her right ankle.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine, I'll be able to get back to the bus." she nodded her head assuredly. Kyo, however was not convinced. "No, you'll make your injury worse if you walk on it." he carefully lifted her up in his arms and began to carry her. "I'll take you back to the bus." he stated. Tohru's face turned bright red. "Oh, no! I'm all right! I really am, you don't have to go through all this, I'll catch up with everyone! I can walk perfectly fine on my-" "Just shut up and let me carry you, okay." he interrupted. "I-I'm so sorry. I didn't want to be a problem." she whispered quietly. He stopped and looked down at her. "Tohru, you could never be a problem." their eyes locked and he quickly looked away. He scaled the rock carefully, so she wouldn't get hurt. Her friends Uo and Hana helped her to her seat. I beat him up afterwards, of course. It made me feel better. I had known then, but I told myself that he was just being kind. Nevermind, the fact that he had never shown kindness to anyone.  
  
I had lied to myself for so long that I actually believed it. But that wasn't the part that hurt the most. For the first time, I was able to see with eyes unclouded by my denial and I saw the horrible, painful truth. They looked beautiful together. So serene, so simple. Like they had always belonged together. Like they had always fit together. I can't take it... I have to get away from here... from them.  
  
My nails dig into my palms as my hands are kept in fists at my side. Warm tears ran their way down my face. No, I can't cry, not here, not now. I wipe away my foolish tears away and try to get away as quickly as possible. I weave my way through the small crowd and head for the door, but Shigure stops me.  
  
"Kagura, are you alright?" he asks. I swallow my sobs and smile. "Yes, I just forgot something at home and I have to leave a bit early." I tell him. "Okay, just be careful." He says. He didn't know. It wasn't his fault. Shigure didn't see my tears, he didn't see what I saw, he doesn't know that it's more than just a simple kiss. I want to blame somebody, I want to yell and get angry at somebody, but the only one who's at fault is me. I was too naive to see how everything really was. I was the fool, but everyone still treated me kindly. I wish I hadn't come. If I hadn't I'd still be living a lie. But which would I rather have...?  
  
~owari~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~* What do you think? I'm using wordpad to write this, so excuse my grammatical errors. Please review, this is my first Fruits Basket fic and I'd greatly appreciate your feedback!  
  
-Reiya 


	2. Chapter II

Disclaimers: I don't wanna retype them... they make me sad. sniff  
  
Hola minna-san! I'm glad you liked it! Thank you star-crystals, Runic, White Meteor, Anodien, Celeste, Kyo-ko, Neko no Baka, the Black Rose, Shayna, and Nemo for your reviews! hugs you all Yes, the pairng is going to be Kyo/Tohru and Yuki will be in this chapter!  
  
My December  
  
"I just love weddings!" Ayame smiled as he strolled in, flipping his hair with his hand. "So, have you finished with the decorations?" Hatori asked. "Yes, the finishing touches are done, and if I may say so myself, they are simply beautiful! Full of passion and depicting love in it's truest form." he exclaimed, clasping his hands together. Hatori ignored him.  
  
Ayame went on and on about how wonderful today is going to be. I stand up and walk outside. Truthfully, I didn't want to come. I wasn't going to, I had a perfectly legitimate excuse, I was sick... but I couldn't do it. Tohru was so worried about me when I told her I had the flu. I couldn't lie to her, I didn't want to make her sad. So I told her that I somehow got better right away and was able to come. Tohru deserves today and every ounce of joy and bliss in it. It wouldn't hurt me to come today, I could stand it for her... couldn't I?  
  
I step out onto the grass and observe the surroundings. Ayame really did do a good job, everything looks so elegant and serene. There's a white carpet that spans from the house's entrance to a wooden altar. Chairs sit on each side of the carpet with bouquets of white lillies tied to the aisle seats. White roses are fastened to the front of the altar with a gold and silver ribbon. It's really beautiful. I turn and walk away, once, I had hoped for this day.  
  
The day I'd be able to give up my idiocy and be free. But today came and I still feel the shackles of infatuation. It's been almost two years since the Christmas party at Shigure's, when my world of lies came crashing down around me. Kyo and Tohru graduated last year and he proposed to her soon after that. It was raining that day, I remember. Kyo told me. I gave him a small hug, a friend hug, and said I was happy for them and that he should have asked her sooner. I'm thankful it was raining that day, it hid my tears.  
  
I waited until I got home, until I was in my room, then I let it out. My foolish tears returned, they had just been hiding, waiting for the chance to spring. But after it all, I was relieved, soon I would be able to look back on this and laugh, I mean, the hard part was already over, right?  
  
I bite my lip. I should check on Tohru. I quickly walk upstairs and knock on her door. "Yes?" Hana, slides open the door. "Please come in." she opens the door wider and I step inside. Tohru is sitting in a chair while Kisa puts her hair into a neat bun. She clips the veil to her head with tiny bobby pins. "Hello, I'm so glad you were able to make it." Tohru turns her head and faces me. "Me too." We talk for a bit, she looks beautiful and seems pretty calm, but she shook her head when I told her that and said she was really nervous and hopes she won't trip in her heels. Kisa finishes with her hair and holds up a mirror to Tohru. "Okay, sissy, how does it look?" Kisa beams. Tohru gasps, "Oh, Kisa, you did a beautiful job, I can't thank you enough!" they hug each other. "Your welcome." Kisa smiles and releases her, Tohru wipes away a small tear from the corner of her eye. "I'm sorry, I guess I cry to much... I'm just so happy you all are here, all my friends, you don't know how much it means to me." She cried. "We wouldn't miss it for the world." Uo says and pats her back.  
  
She smiles again, but her expression soon turns to panic. "Oh, no! I forgot to greet all everyone and make refreshments! They must be starving and-" "Tohru, it's alright, you don't have to do anything today. We've taken care of everything." Hana said quietly. That was just like Tohru, always thinking about others. She's the kindest person I know. If I had asked her not to get married to Kyo, she wouldn't have. She would have put my happiness over her's. I don't know anyone else like that.  
  
"Yeah, just relax, I'll go see if anyone needs anything." I smile sweetly and leave her room. I look at the ground. I wanted to be the one in the wedding gown, I wanted to be the one surrounded by friends and loved by everyone. I want to be just like her, but I'm not. I'm just Kagura the idiot. I berate myself for throwing such a childish tantrum, regardless of its veracity. No wonder Kyo hated me, well, he could still hate me, I don't know. I'm nothing compared to Tohru, she's always thinks about others and makes people feel good about themselves, while I only manage to be annoying and abhorrent.  
  
I find myself outside Kyo's room, the door is slightly open. He's pacing around the room and Shigure and Haru are talking to him, to cheer him up, I suppose. I lean forward and press my ear against the door, great, now I've got eavesdropping to add to my list of bad habits. I just hope no one sees me like this.  
  
"Kyo, There's nothing to be worried about, everything's going to be fine." Shigure reasoned. Haru stretched his arms. "Maybe it's not the wedding he's scared about, but what happens afterward." Haru smirked and was awarded promptly with an uppercut from Kyo.  
  
"Shut up! I'm not scared about... anything!" Kyo yelled. Shigure nodded, "It's alright, Kyo, that's what we're here for, to make sure you don't get cold feet at the altar." Kyo seemed to think about those words and what he was going to say, after all, Kyo wasn't really the type who talked about what was on his mind much.  
  
"What if she doesn't want to marry me? What if she's not ready to say yes? I mean, I'm not as smart or as strong as others and sometimes I say things I don't mean to and I'm too angry and stupid to take them back. What if she sees all this? I can't even hold her when I want to, what if she wants someone who can? What if she wants some one who can do all those things and not somebody-"  
  
POOF!  
  
A little orange cat now stood where Kyo had seconds before. "-like me." he finished. Shigure was silent for a moment. "First of all, you shouldn't be worrying over things you can't change. Sure, all that is true about you, but we all have our faults, we all do silly things we regret. And secondly, this is Tohru we're talking about and if you've forgotten, she's already said yes to you and she already knows all your faults, but she's obviously getting married to you for a reason, because she loves you." Shigure folded his arms over his chest. "Of course, if you have any doubts then-" "No, I have no doubts, I'm ready." the orange cat looked up at Shigure. "...Thanks." he replied.  
  
I hurried down the stairs and out to the back porch. Surprisingly, it's not that cold for winter. Over the last two years, I've learned to blend in and be silent, 'If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all', right? I've been doing a lot less talking. I don't fight as much as I used to, either. I've gotten colder like snow, but even as snow, I'm vulnerable.  
  
I sit with my legs hanging over the edge of the porch. Yuki's sitting out here also. He glances over at me, his eyes they look.... remorseful. In my ignorance I thought that he was fine with everything, he never seems to do or say anything that would suggest otherwise. Although at times he seems a bit aloof, but I had adopted that as his personality. But when all this happened, I understood his actions. "Oh, hello Kagura, how are you?" he asks, he look towards the horizon. "Okay." I answer, "Are you okay?" I return the question. He runs one hand through his hair and nods. "You can talk about it." I say quietly.  
  
We were both stuck in the same boat. "There's nothing you can say that will sound silly to me." I can't help it. I want to talk to somebody, I hate being quiet and keeping everything inside. I want to talk and listen to somebody who felt the same as me. He looks over at me.  
  
"I'm being selfish. I wanted for the wedding to be called off, I wanted to tell Tohru how I really felt because I knew she would never get married to him if it would hurt me, how awful is that? I wanted to take advantage of Tohru's kindness to get what I wanted, how horrible is that?" I listen to Yuki, I had thought about that too.  
  
"Then why didn't you?" I ask suddenly. "Why couldn't you tell her?" He looks up at me in confusion and then down at his feet.  
  
"I couldn't forget what Tohru had done for me, what she had done for everyone. She was the only person who would be worried about what I ate for breakfast. She was the only one who would ask about my day and always invite me to play a game with the others. I couldn't because... I wanted her to be truly happy." There it was. The sacrifice he was willing to make for her, he would endure silent suffering just so she'd be happy.  
  
I couldn't even imagine how hard this was for him. He had lived with Tohru, he had seen her everyday. I had never been that close to Kyo. I never shared that kind of realtionship with him. "I don't regret loving her, I'd do it again, but I could have told her, I could have been the one she was marrying. But I let her go, I had been withdrawn for so long that I didn't know what to do. I was so close to telling her, but I didn't, I was afraid she wouldn't feel the same, so I said nothing." I know it was difficult for him to tell me that and there was nothing I could say to comfort him. I cried. Not out loud or anything, inside. Inside I was crying for Yuki. How painful it must have been for him to see them get closer and closer and not know what to do. How painful it must have been for him to giver her up. I never had anything to give up.  
  
He smiled, not a happy smile, but not a bitter one either, something inbetween the two. "I always want to be there for Tohru, to help her as she's helped me. I want us to keep talking and laughing together, even if it's not the same as before. One day, I'll be able to let her go and just be a friend to her. One day, I'll be able to stop asking, what if I had told her? I'll wait for that day." He stood up, I couldn't hide my tears anymore, they were quickly falling down my face. I stood up and hugged him, "I'll wait for that day too." I whispered. He hugged me back and some of my tears ran onto his coat. I heard Shigure calling everyone for the wedding. I dried my tears and followed the others into the front yard. I sat between Shigure and Momiji.  
  
I watched as Tohru walked down the aisle in possibly the most beautiful wedding dress I'd ever see. I watched as they both stood together before the small crowd. I watched as they kissed for the first time as husband and wife. I wanted to remember this, for that one day when Kyo could call me a friend. Then I'd be able to recall their wedding and how beautiful it was and how happy everyone had been, because a friend would always remember that.  
  
FINI  
  
O.O I can't believe it... I actually wrote a multi-chapter fic! This is a major milestone for me! Thank you all for encouraging me to continue, I wouldn't have if you didn't.  
  
Hmmm... This looks like a Yuki/Kagura fic now, doesn't it? I didn't mean for it be, but they do make a cute couple, ne? (well, once she gets over her violent mood swings) If you like that couple then there it is, if not, then they can just be friends.  
  
I loved writting this fic, but I'm stopping right here, I was afraid I'd spoil it if I added this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed this one as much as the last!  
  
Reiya  
  
Reviews will be greatly appreciated.


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